Robyn Maydayouigal red mules
So, this is pretty unusual for me. I'm sat down to write this post without a plan in mind, or even a title - just a feeling. Prepare for Robyn-gone-rogue. And a bit of an inspection into my mind right now.
Today I really wanted to write something completely honest. To share how I'm feeling at the moment about my blog and life in general. So here goes.

The past couple of weeks have been a bit tough for me, for no specific reason. My minds just been in a total fuzz. A MASSIVE stinking brain-fart, if you will.

Notifications have been stacking up on my phone (personal and blog related) and my social channels have been neglected. It's all made me super anxious. I've literally just wanted to avoid looking at that bloody phone at all costs.

So that's what I've done these past few days. Ignore my phone. Which is kind of unheard of for me. Generally, I pride myself on being pretty good at managing blogging to-do's, replying to comments and messages, keeping my social channels ticking over nicely and basically just getting shit done.

But I'm just not able to keep up with it all. And that's made me really frustrated. 

I'm not one to admit defeat. But here I am, saying this combination of everything has become too much.


Missguided khaki jacketstar studded bag H&M

Camo Peplum Jacket, Missguided - Tee, Primark - Crop Flares, H&M (similar) - Red Mules, Ouigal*

It's made me realise that my perfectionism has got the better of my blogging. Making me perceive blogging in ways I've never wanted to. Everyday I find the same kinds of thoughts running around my mind:

"I can't post that Instagram picture right now, I haven't edited it to look like the rest of my feed."
"I don't have time to schedule those tweets, ugh my Twitter is going to be dead."
"Is that outfit good enough to post?"
"I'm not posting enough, other bloggers definitely post more than me."


Blogging has almost become a chore, because I've put too much pressure on myself and compared myself to others too often.

And the truth is, I struggle to blog and have an effective work-life balance. 


ouigal red mules
I've written before about how hard blogging can be. And, before now, I've always been very realistic about working full-time and blogging, whilst also having some time for myself. Sometimes I actually thrive from having loads going on, and lots of ideas to work on. But I don't feel like that right now. In fact, I feel far from it. I feel like I need to switch off a few thousand brain cells to be able to focus.

My ambition to make my blog and content as good as possible has just taken over. To a level where it's self-censoring. The complete opposite of what I want my blog to be.


That said, over the past couple of weeks I've done a couple of things differently, which I've enjoyed.

I put a new video up on my Youtube channel, for the first time in years. One of my reasons for doing this is to remove the perfectionism filter you can experience on Instagram. Videos give a level of realness and tangible personality that I crave.

I feel like I've been able to relate to some of my favourite bloggers through Youtube. So I'm hoping videos like these will allow you to see my childish sense of humour and the way I describe strange footwear, because that's the closest you'll get to the real me!

I also posted a couple of snaps from my phone that I took when I was down in London on Monday to my Instagram. This sounds pathetic on reflection. But I rarely do this because I've become a bit cagey about consistency in my images on Instagram. I just decided to do it anyway. And - shock, horror - the world did not implode from me sharing an 8 megapixel photo.

missguided camouflage jacket

With beautiful 45mm lens shots edited on Photoshop making up 60% of my social feeds every day, I've felt like I need to be doing the same thing. Or I'm simply not hitting the mark.


So when I read a post by Lily Melrose this morning, where she explained how she'd created a new Instagram account just for daily outfit shots, I felt insanely refreshed. I've noticed a few other bloggers over the past weeks taking a similar approach too - ditching their SLR in favour of their trusty iPhone.

Sure, there's totally a place for those shots produced from a camera that's more expensive than buying  Tom Hardy's used pants (I promise I haven't bought any. I just think they'd go for a sweet sum). But it doesn't always need to be like that.

The pressure I've put on myself has stifled the immediacy and realness of my social channels and blog. 


It's also made me feel anxious to get a bloody notification on my phone... pretty gross that it's got to this point.

I'll also add that it's really fucking hard to create 'real' content for people to engage with when you're in an office 40-odd hours of your week... someone tell me they feel the same?!

Missguided Camo Jacket

I'm not hanging out in snazzy bars, shopping in the city or eating at fabulous restaurants after work or on my weekends. 


You'll more than likely find my slothing on the sofa in my anything-but-attractive PJs, recovering from a tough day. Scoffing Bakewell tarts. Or cleaning in a onesie - because someones got to do it. Or in Aldi doing the food shop, half-panic-attack because the lady sat behind the till is throwing cookies and dental floss at 100mph in my face. SLOW DOWN, SUSAN. Slow. Down.

To be frank, I think my life is pretty un-Instagramable.


And to a certain extent, I'm fine with that. I enjoy creating things that work on Instagram. I still want to make inspiring content that people love, but I don't want to be false. So it's all a bit contradictory really. Has anyone found a balance?!

In summary, keeping up with blogging is at times really quite hard for me. And keeping up with life generally can be tricky for me too. 


I think now needs to be the turning point where I'm happy to be a realist in more facets of my life. Rather than striving for perfection continually. Because I'm determined to get rid of this weird notification / social media anxiety that has struck me recently - I can't always be on my A-game.

Robyn Mayday blog

6 comments

  1. Loved reading this honest post hun, I get the same too. Trying to do it all with a full time job takes over your social life, stops me from spending time with friends and family and turns you into a work a holic! But then I find it is a catch 22 as I enjoy it too, but sometimes the pressure takes the fun out of it. Loving everything you have been doing but don't feel pressured to keep up! Sending hugs xxx

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    Replies
    1. Thank you!! Totally, I've found myself working all weekend and all week. Without any time for myself! Xx

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  2. I disagree.
    I think you, myself and I'm sure many others do have an instagrammable life. It's real-life. I think sometimes it's easy to get washed into perfect flay lays and we think we should be posting. When really, what's just wrong with life?
    I personally don't like perfect white flat lays. I've unfollowed so many people and blogs because I just don't find them relatable. I'm all for progression and 'making it', but think you can loose yourself.
    I've thought about setting up an Insta about my day to day reality. I have tried to do this via Instastories. Having just set up a YouTube, I had wanted to vlog, but wondered what I'd vlog about.lol But, i guess if you want to see real, then that would be it.

    Just keep doing you and keep enjoying it. If you don't, step away.

    ps - love this outfit!

    Caroline.x
    www.carolineelgeywhite.com

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Caroline :)
      I guess what works for people on Instagram differs. But for me it's usually more editorial feel outfit shots - so these are what I'm terming as my 'real' content because that's what drives performance for me. But it's hard for me to produce that kind of content working full time and without using a photographer. That's just my experience of producing my content though :)

      I do love watching some vlogs, but mine would be so boring! Can't vlog at work! So it would just be me blogging on the weekend haha!

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  3. You honestly have hit the nail on the head with this post and this is exactly how I've been feeling! Trying to keep up with blogging, wedding planning, working full-time and a social life ended up making me feel so overwhelmed. Also my day to day life is so not glamorous and totally uninstagrammable too lol But it's time to start letting go and not overthinking it because I don't want to feel stifled anymore! x

    Karina
    www.thestyleidealist.com

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